Zim Tzu ruffles some feathers ED NOTE: This has bad words.

Most of the other things we write on here usually don’t Trae Waynes Jersey , but this one does. It seems to be a popular bit, so until the law catches up with me, I’m going to keep doing it. Thanks for understanding, and thanks for not reading and not letting your kids read it if bad language isn’t your thing. Hope you enjoy the rest of our articles—TedAt some point in life a warrior poet will be dealt with unexpected setbacks, maybe two or three, all within close proximity of one another, and it feels like you’re entering a graveyard spiral. How you deal with it determines your way forward, and the paths are quite divergent. Sometimes you can fight through it, level your wings, and fly on towards your destiny. Or things spin out of control, to the point the only thing left is impact, a fiery explosion Mackensie Alexander Jersey , and no survivors. So when faced with this scenario, you can do one of two things. You can just accept your fate and get blown to smithereens, or you can grab the stick and fight. And keep fighting, until you level your wings, let the cobwebs clear, and start moving forward again. Because as any good warrior poet knows, moving forward is the only option, and quitting is for losers. And you move forward, because warrior poets are not losers.Because you are Zim Tzu, The King In The North, Subduer of Equestrian Excrement Consumers, Nightmare of Clan Fromage Laquon Treadwell Jersey , Breaker Of Gold Fever, High Septon Of Eagan, Lord Commander Of The Iron Range And Twin Cities, Master Of Fortress TCO, Honorary Elder Of Mankato and Protector Of The Realm.And when you do fly out of the spins people want to hear about your aerobatic tales, and marvel at your death defying stunts. And that’s where we come in.* We’re essentially the barnstorming experts**, that take the words that are spoken, and translate them into what Zim Tzu was actually thinking at the time.****We are not in. We’re more out in the cold than a wet dude in the Arctic.**Airplanes are for folks that are scared to fly. Helicopters are where it’s at, yo.***My legal team of Franklin, Bash, and Bateman can’t stress enough that this is 100% satire, and no reading of minds or psychic powers were employed in writing this. No animals were harmed Ben Gedeon Jersey , either. Except eagles. GET IT?!?!What Zim Tzu meant: Holy mother of Odin we beat those horseshit eating jackasses. They literally eat horseshit, which metaphorically was like watching our two most recent games. Especially Buffalo, because what in the sweet fuck was that? Nice win, helps get that shit taste out of the mouth. Let’s fucking go.Q: Why has Kirk Cousins been so good at diagnosing blitzes and avoiding them?What Zim Tzu meant: Well, Granitejaw McDreamy has this thing we call ‘talent’. He also has two other things we call ‘experience’ and ‘health’. And when you combine these three things in a cauldron of witches brew, you get this fuckin’ miracle called ‘a quarterback that doesn’t suck’. And I want you to inject this strange brew concoction straight into my veins, eyeballs, and buttcheeks from now until the end of my days because watching a good quarterback wearing a Vikings uniform play at a high level must feel like what being high on cocaine is like. Q: In what ways has Stephen Weatherly improved as a pass rusher?What Zim Tzu meant: You know Stephen has come a long way. When he first got here he’d stand up at the snap and yell to the sideline ‘HEY COACH AM I DOING THIS RIGHT?’ and then he’d get steamrolled. Look, it was funny as shit, and admittedly we kept him around for comedic purposes only. But now he’s come on strong and on Sunday he went after Wentz like Wentz owed him money and the football was the wallet.Q: What are the keys to having two defensive ends that can play both the strong and weak side of the ball?What Zim Tzu meant: It means I can come at you with more looks than Taylor Swift has costume changes at one of her concerts. And we’ll write your name. In the dirt. Fuckers. Q: You’ve drafted a lot of pass rushers who didn’t have a lot of sacks in college. How do you identify those players coming out, and how important has Andre Patterson been in developing them?What Zim Tzu meant: Andre Patterson is a fucking defensive lineman whisperer. Truth is, he helps defensive linemen with pass rush problems. Then those defensive linemen fuck up some quarterbacks.Q: How much do you coach Dan Bailey during a game like yesterday? Do you get involved with the kicker much Jaleel Johnson Jersey , or just decide when you’re going to kick the field goal?What Zim Tzu meant: Yeah, I thought about talking to him. I thought about going up to him and asking him what the fuck his problem was because GODDAMN IT I’M SICK OF KICKERS AND I WILL HACK OFF YOUR GODDAMN LEG WITH A BROKEN HOCKEY STICK AND MAKE YOU LIMP HOME ON A BLOODY STUMP IF YOU DON’T MAKE THIS NEXT KICK. I had zero confidence he would make it.Q: What does the resiliency of this defense bring to the team?What Zim Tzu meant: Well, it’s nice to not get fucking boatraced for the third week in a row, that’s for sure. Let’s see what happens against the Cardinals. Q: Have you gotten another chance to look at Andrew Sendejo’s hit?What Zim Tzu meant: It was bullshit, man. Just like the fuckin’ game clock in Chicago. Q: Do you worry about a player getting a reputation with officials where they’re more likely to flag them?What Zim Tzu meant: Andrew Sendejo’s reputation is so well known it arrives at the stadium three hours before the rest of the team and is more damaged than Minnesota roads.Q: The onside kick seemed like it was pretty well executed. What was going through your mind there as it took a bad hop and bounces off of Adam Thielen at first?What Zim Tzu meant: We are so fucked. Q: What is it about Adam Thielen that makes him so good in that spot?What Zim Tzu meant: He recovered the ball.Q: Do you see a point in the league when quarterbacks are not completing 70 percent?What Zim Tzu meant: Well when you can’t hit or tackle the quarterback shit’s gonna skyrocket. Fuck it, let’s just do 7 on 7 drills and call it good. Q: People talk about how the run game and passing game need to be balanced. With guys throwing better does that become obsolete?What Zim Tzu meant: Not when guys are running for shit.Q: When you see so many teams spreading out and putting you in nickel situations, how does that affect your personnel and the way you (Ed note: original transcription ended there. I don’t know what the rest of the question was)What Zim Tzu meant: I smile, then I laugh, and then I fuck you up and end whatever hope your play had before it begins. Unless I iso Anthony Barr. Then we’re pretty well fucked. The price is a 2020 fifth-round pick" Minnesota Vikings 2019 SeasonMinnesota Vikings Training Camp 2019Schefter: Vikings acquire kicker Kaare Vedvik from RavensNew,434commentsThe price is a 2020 fifth-round pickCDTShare this storyShare this on FacebookShare this on TwitterShareAll sharing optionsShareAll sharing options for:Schefter: Vikings acquire kicker Kaare Vedvik from RavensTwitterFacebookRedditPocketFlipboardEmailPhoto by Scott Taetsch/Getty ImagesWe talked about it earlier this morning, and now it appears that the Minnesota Vikings have a new kicker in the fold.The Vikings have agreed to send a fifth-round pick in the 2020 NFL Draft to the Baltimore Ravens in exchange for kicker Kaare Vedvik.Vedvik signed with the Ravens as an undrafted free agent out of Marshall in 2018, but missed the entire season after he was assaulted in Baltimore and was placed on the Non-Football injury list. He has returned for the Ravens this season Pat Elflein Jersey , and went 4-for-4 in the team’s preseason opener.While this obviously bodes badly for Dan Bailey as the kicker. . .he has no guaranteed money on his contract, so he’s as good as gone. . .it could also be a bad sign for punter Matt Wile. Schefter speculates that the Vikings could use Vedvik as both a kicker and a punter. I know that there were players in the NFL that used to do that, but as far as I can remember it’s been a while since it’s happened.This would also, potentially, open up the issue of who’s going to be the holder for the Vikings, since Wile handles those duties at the present time. The team has experimented with other players, notably Adam Thielen and Chad Beebe, as the holder for field goals and extra points, but Wile handled all of the extra point attempts in the preseason opener.So, the Vikings have a brand new kicker in the fold, ladies and gentlemen. What do you think about that?